It's been nearly 4 months since my last journal, and I must say, a lot has happened. I left my old job, I've been doing terribly in all my courses, I am officially over $1500 in debt with no job because in this fucked-up economy, no one is hiring, I continuously succeed in pissing off the very girl I care about the most right now, and I think I'm going to go crazy.
Also, not fun, I'm officially experiencing nicotine withdrawal coupled with (or leading to) severe insomnia. This is not a good thing. I'm already skipping way too many of my classes, and now let's add insomnia, great idea!
I am at the point where I've become convinced that things really can't get any worse. And, contrary to most people who would be optimistic about this and say "if things can't get worse, they can only get better", I know that it will be ages before things get any better. I just can't shake the feeling that I'm in or heading for disaster.
So it's 0500 now. That means in 6 hours I get to have my adviser tell me how bad I'm failing all my classes and how that won't do me any good if I'm to get my degree at the end of next semester. Then, an hour and a half after that, I get to sit through a Japanese culture class being taught by a Chinese woman who can speak neither Japanese nor English. 1.5 hours thereafter, I get to go to the class where I will see the girl I'm infatuated with, but considering that I don't know if she's still mad at me, or if she's still remotely interested in me, that won't be fun. After 1.5 hours of that, I get to go home and (hopefully) pass the fuck out. Through all of this, I have to resist the urge to go and buy cigarettes with borrowed money, when I know full well that although smoking will make my ulcer hurt again, and generally make me feel like shit, I still want to. Boy, isn't this gonna be a fun fuckin day?
I would really appreciate if people read this.... I've been also feeling really lonely of late. I have few good friends, and even those few have been virtually out of contact for the longest time.